Grudge

I don't hold grudges.

or rather,

Grudges don't hold me.

Be ruthless

Desire doesn't just speak of the void.

Desire is the void

Eliminate desire

for all that doesn't matter.

Grown Up

Why would you act 'grown up'

grown ups don't have any growing

left to do.

Whatever people tell you,

growing, your way, 

is your right and your duty

to yourself.

The places where I am loved

There are these places

where I am loved;

they rise,

like thermal currents

on which I glide.

I may never

come down.

I am the one who knocks

Don't think of me a sheep

it's only sheep's clothing

Don't think of me too sensitive

'reflective' does not mean soft

I'm ready for this jelly, because

I am the one who knocks.

Sped up

The faster we knew each other

The faster we knew what we wanted.

 I wish we didn't know,
just for a bit longer.

Ghosts

I'm not jealous

of your ghosts.

If you leave to

chase nostalgia,

if you stay to

forget memories.

Come to me, 

your heart tangled,

our best days

are always ahead.

Dancing Atop Tower Bridge

Tonight,

as I write,

atop this monument is my dance floor.

a monumental farewell, to a London life,

so far spent,

dancing.

Peter means rock

I was strong

before we met,

and I'll be strong

long if you've left,

and if you stay

that's what I'll be

I'll be strong for you

and (what's more then that)

I'll.
 be.
 strong.
 for.
 me.

Demand more

You don't work this hard

to get to the middle,

You don't meditate on this

to become bourgeois,

You don't become consumed

to be another consumer.

This takes your nerve, your sinew and your heart

and therefore;

mediocrity

is not

on the cards.

"The last three or four reps

is what makes the muscle grow.

This area of pain divides the champion

from someone else who is not a champion.

That's what most people lack,

having the guts to go on and just say

they'll go through the pain

no matter what happens"

~Arnold Schwarzenegger

Night of Infinity

Blood pumping

music thumping

drinks coming

friends hugging

feet dancing

some romancing

lights fading

day breaking

"and I swear

in that moment

we

were

infinite."

Fret not

Try not to fret

that cats fight dogs

that flies curse frogs

that men lose bets

or lose cooler heads, that

some wounds don't mend,

that perfect moments end.

Under pass

There is a young homeless couple that sleeps

Below a busy junction, in an under pass, 

They're just cooing and stirring

As I walk past.

It could be their twisted honeymoon

Defying all else that seems to over-loom,

I happen to walk by as he strokes her face

Last night's inebriation now in its clanging phase, 

As most walk by not even changing pace

This world, this surreality is such a bitter-sweet place.

We're in this together

To get where I am today,
I once risked everything I had.

Love me 

at your risk

and mine.

Bryan David Atkins

This is the last photo I took 

of the greatest man I knew.

Bryan David Atkins

Hands like great towels

he'd tousle my brow,

his legs were warm trees

for hugging, for climbing.

A man of few words,
an excellent gardener,
my guide to wonderment,

a true grand father.

Brick

I am trying to build

something

great.

But its greatness

is not in

mind.

Every new day, I lay a brick.

I will lay that brick

as perfectly as a brick can be laid,

I will die before I quit.

Action builds more

than mere ambition.

New Ground

Mastery requires consistent deliberate 

practice in new ground.

So it is new ground I'll find.

Transient city

My London Bridges are falling down

falling down, falling down

my fair lady.

Back to the plan

I helped someone

change their life

for the better today.

It doesn't happen

everyday.

It should.

Rough

Don't be rough with

other people's hearts.

Don't waste a single second longer

with people who are rough with yours.

Wonderment

Had I not been

just a child

I may have missed

the wonderment

right here.

You could be failing

Did you know?

you could be failing

and trying again

and still be changing

the world for good.

Multitudes

I was once

nothing

to the world
 and to you.

I've been living,

 and lamenting,
and loving life

all these years.

The world has broken me,

and put me back together.

I have travelled it,

with many places more to go.

I have met great people,

some of whom you'll never meet.
I have strange stories
some of which you'll never hear. But,

now I'm here

and I am multitudes -

sitting next to you.

Lazy Cat

 

Lazy cat

was sooo lazy

or maybe

he knew he only
had to be a cat;

(the best cat he could be)

and nothing else.

And that involved

being lazy.

Anticipate

I'm excited

to see where all

of this

is

going.

Month of promise

April was the cruellest month, promising

Junes when it was so full of Novembers.

Loyalty

All a relationship really is,

is being there for one another.

Berlin

She doesn't just breathe art
she gasps for it,
she grasps for connection
for self understanding, for self forgiveness.

She adorns her wounds with paint,
a living gallery,
an exhibitionist, she doesn't hide her shame
she embraces it as part of her body.

She, the crossroads of the twentieth century,
Where east met west, left met right,
individual met the state, poverty met wealth,
life met destruction; meeting reconstruction.

She is juxtaposition,
contradiction, superposition.
She is a lesson,
a warning, a hope and a calling.

No matter your past, no matter your imperfections,
you too can be a beacon of hope and reconciliation.

I've stopped pretending

I no longer love her, true

but maybe I do

oh how I loved her! sometimes

I loved her,
well.

At least I have one conclusion.

I've stopped pretending

that I didn't break

her heart.

My love feeds off your love, beloved

You and me, we
are one, action, reaction.

Fire, ash, regrowth.

For as long as your roar,

I roar.

I'll fade if you do.

For as long as you grow,

I grow to you,

I'll wilt if you do.

For as long as you're rooted,

I'll root to you.

My love will set sail as you do.

Autotelic

My heart for my heart's sake

My ambition for my ambition's sake

My art for art's sake

My self. for goodness' sake.

Myself, is myself, for Pete's sake.

"My whole life has been a poem I would have writ

but could I not both live and utter it"

~ Thoreau

Birdhouse

Who am I without you?
A birdhouse without
a bird, without a song without a nest without
your discarded feathers without
your weariness in stormy weather without
your weight without your warmth without
your eggs without your morning call.

Who am I without you?
Who am I without you

The story of morality

In the beginning there was white.
and for quite a while that seemed quite alright,
and by its absence, there was black.
But soon things started to get off-track.
The first mistake meant the birth of grey,
and then fifty shades of gray,
and if you open your eyes wide,
for each shade, you have a black and white on either side.

So - in an attempt to get back to white,
and stop things getting duller,
they tried get there from new ways,
but instead they invented, err - colour.
In an attempt for real improvement,
they accidentally introduced movement,
And since we're doomed now we might as well mention
the inadvertent début of the third dimension.

So now we know we won't get to white,
since it was probably only real in our minds,
lets hope it doesn't hurt to try,
then we might slip in some fun. on the side.

Hanami

Who thinks of winter,

while spring is in the world?

Beyond their evident beauty

sakura contain the reminder

that all beauty is ephemeral

appreciate it every moment you can.

"kisses are a far better fate

than wisdom"
 ~ E.E.Cummings

Poetry makes nothing happen

"For poetry makes nothing happen: it survives

In the valley of its making where executives

Would never want to tamper, flows on south

From ranches of isolation and the busy griefs,

Raw towns that we believe and die in; it survives,

A way of happening, a mouth."

~ WH Auden

My mouth, my mouth!

my subtle chirping,

my squawks and my slurping,

my lisp mutterer,

my gluton-er and my stu-stu-stutter-er.

My mouth, my megaphone,

shared by my single-minded mind

and a sentient soul.

Mind you, my sole

goal is to be and feel alive,

 and so my poetry, (if you stretch to call it that),

my poetry, my way of happening, my mouth,

it
will
survive.

The rest will follow

I'll not beg for attention,

I'll not even earn it,

I'll become someone worthy of holding my own first.

What I was to you

The future fell farther than the furthest clouds
on that warm, blue, day of fun,
We sipped on high spirits, spit limericks, and licked liquor-ish;
committed cynics, splitting politics,
all day sitting in the sun.

The future fell fast when the sun faded,
under an inverted black sea of cloud;
it whipped as if bent on flipping cloud ships,
while blipping drops gripped our outfits;
we sheltered in your alley.

When morning came, I limped away,
weak knees were hurting badly,
with dark clouds still above, no sign of a dove,
I looked up -
and remembered -
that one night stand-ing in your alley.

New York

She's Royal without a Monarch
She's Grand without being old

A heterogeneous hegemonous metropolis

And for some her streets are made of gold.

She's confident without perfection

She's self-aware with out a self

She's glamorous and generous, wealthy and amorous

Indifferent to those on the shelf.

Your Air

I was swept beneath your carpet once,
as if without your care,
the last in line to breathe your air
between the dust and spiders that sheltered there,
the last to breathe your air.

The things I saw, I'd heard about,
in the times you'd let me breathe,
the papers of sweets you'd once ate,
a corpse from when you'd fumigate,
it had run out of your air.

Periodically, you'd vacuum clean,
and sucked unto the carpet's fur ceiling,
the closest to you I'd recently been,
I'd gasp out for your air.

Through lint and mold,
I've heard wives tales of old,
behold a sky so big so bold, so slightly cold-
er than your bless-ed air.
And sold I'll stroll consoled and inhale my whole,
one day you'll find me there.
With lungs full of my fresh air.

Ambitious Growth

When I grow up
I don't want to be a..
an actuary or a reactionary
a commentator or a mere spectator
a passive participator or contrived test acer
an impotent protester or a haughty rule maker.
No,
When I grow up,
I'd want to be a fiduciary revolutionary
a mover and a shaker
a polemic king-maker
A pragmatic ideologue the anti-demagogue
A first mover - a way chooser.

And the growing up started today.

The Unfortunate Tail of the Lobster and the Chef

Lifting the lid of the boiling pot,

the steam rose thick as death,

it frothed at the mouth,

and it coughed;

with a towel,

the chef dabbed her brow,

extractor fans whirred ahead.

The bullet-proof leviathan of the sea,

king among crustacean kind,

lightly lay, tanked, with huge humiliated claws

contracted by plastic ratchet tags.

It didn't squeal as it was placed in the pot

the searing swell served to massage smoothly

when you've got shells made of steel, 

not even bullets from an uzi, nor this sizzling jacuzzi

could cook this colossal crustacean into sushi.

"Look, lobster, I'm going to lunch on you." the chef warned bluntly

"Its just a matter of time.

I've got a life I love, but other things to be done,

if you want in, you just decide."

Taken a-back the lobster kept its cool

and thoughtfully readied the reply,

And goes the proverbial tale of old,

as it opened its three mouths to speak, things started to go awry.

Quick as a flash, the scalding water was in,

its life extinguished like a light

it doesn't matter how thick your skin

when you're being cooked from inside.

To Love At All

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. 

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. 

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. 

Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. 

Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. 

But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. 

It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. 

To love is to be vulnerable.”

~ C.S. Lewis

They Can't Ignore You

"Pursue your passion / follow your dream"

may be the worst advice

given to our generation.

Following your dream may leave you with no options

because you can find 'non-dream like aspects' in every kind of work,

because passion is not the same as disciplined improvement,

because what we want to do is not always what society wants.

But if you pursue mastery

at something that you can be great at,

something you can see the greater value to;

you may hang around long enough, to see 

your work appreciated and respected and

the positive impact of your personal contribution.

So you may just find yourself pursuing your passion

after all.

inspired by "So Good They Can't Ignore You" - Cal Newport

Do your best

What does it mean

to do your best?

Is it the best action you are capable of?

What does your best look like

with finite time and energy,
finite patience and compassion,
finite waking hours, money and influence,
finite motivation and inspiration?

Aren't we doing that all the time?
Are we?
and,
Is that enough?

Remember

Every now and again
He'd look up from his papers
to the mirror sitting idly
in the corner.

A glance just long enough,
to remember.

Tanker

I will not negotiate with the vicissitudes of emotion,

I won't entertain the vagaries of myopic desire,

Like an enormous tanker in a tumultuous ocean,

I will reach port,

I will reach port.

I'll hijack my own mind,

ransom my ego if need be,

if this is the one life that I've got,

there's no way it will be taken by thieves.

Staring game

She started the staring game first,

Those eyes fell on me,

like sunlight on a spring day.

I blinked first.

I'm in the shade.

Back to work.

Escape Artist

He's an

Escape artist,

an escape-from-his-life artist.

Games, T.V.,

Alcohol, weed.

In a world where there are a million ways to find happiness,

and to be fair he didn't just try the easy ones,

he tried the quick ones

too.

Surprise.

They didn't last.

There was once a thing he hung his hat on,

until 'life' it came and sat on

it.

So to feel again maybe he'd steal again,

or deal again

or down drink 'n' drugs till he

keels again.

Caught again?

Court again?

Definitely time to snort again. and

Houdini couldn't get out of this one.

Because, we told him he didn't need a map,

the path was wide and straight,

we told him the wind was with him,

and at the end, an open gate.

And if we didn't say that,

there were other lies,

that maybe he'd never be good enough

that he'd best not even try.

That's enough to turn even the mildest escapologist

into an escape-aholic.

He's an escape artist,

an escape-from-his-life artist

I'd tell him - Life's tough

but you can be tougher

if you won't, you'll be escaping all your life.

from one early grave

to another.

End of Act 1

He studied acting in London,

and each day he plays his part;

a victim of bad advice, bad economy, 

a bad start.

On his desk, all is left, 

is a pen and a gun

he feels like is closing credits,

when it's the end of Act 1.

I'll come this way again

I see the victims
of promised futures
on the wayside like car crashes
but I press on.

To say I press on for them only
is a half truth.
To say I couldn't fix their future anyway
is a whole one.
So I press on for me,
for someone must.

I'll come this way again
I'll come this way again.