Daily gratitude

I'm grateful for me.

I'm greatful for my tenacity,

I'm grateful that despite it all, I know that I will rise, I will conquer, I will thrive.

I'm grateful for me.

I'm gateful for my family.

I"m grateful that there are people that care deeply, who'd be kind, who'd be wise, who'd empathize.

I'm grateful for me.

I'm grateful for the life I lead.

I'm grateful that I've been led here, with this mind, with these friends, and this career, 

for a reason.

Glad I Gave

 

I am glad I gave.

I gave my heart. My entire heart.

I gave everything I had.

I gave everything I became,

I gave everything I would become.

I'm glad I gave, even

if what I gave was lost.

Because,

giving is true to me.

Afternoon

I lay this afternoon
To feel time stretch out under me
To reacquaint with the sensation of it's passage across my body and ultimately through my fingers
To remind that this life does not just belong to time. It belongs to me

Intentions

We often judge others by their behaviour

but judge ourselves by our intentions

What if it was the other way around?

What I want

I have spent years

figuring out exactly what I want.

I now know what I want.

I just don't know if that exists

How long until I can answer that question?

If it did exist, would it want me?

Who are you?

"Who are you?", says the world.
"What do you want from me,
when you could do anything.
You could be anyone, be with anyone
You can build, or party, or laze away these days.
Who are you? and what do you want from me?"

Love Yourself First

 I,
Take me,
To be my partner,
To have and to hold from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
until parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.

Love is

Love is
Forgiving yourself for making mistakes
Love is
Allowing yourself to laze in your skin
Love is
Not comparing yourself to others
Love is
Being kind to yourself when life is not
Love is
Pushing yourself to grow
Love is
Reminding yourself to be present
Love is
Loving yourself first so you can love others

Five Years Ago

Five years ago
I moved across the sea for a year
I’m still here

Four years ago
I broke ties and started again
I’m starting again

Three years ago
I introduced her to my family
I’m her family

Two years ago
I put life on hold to put it right
It’s wild and precious

On year ago
I was one year from marriage
We’re over the moon

Believing in Meaning

Meaning can be found

in almost anything,

because meaning

is

here.

Heavy drinking

I drank in her body

like a fine wine,

But I drank in her mind

like water.

Slipping

I'm more excited

about you and me

than I might seem

because I know how

embarrassing it feels

to casually slip up when 

trying to smoothly

walk toward someone

with excitement.

Child of God

I've been missing God

in a way

since I forgot his name

or never caught it when he said it

I'm not sure

But I didn't know my mum's name

when I was a baby either

that didn't stop me crying for her

or giggling when she came.

Me Bike Back When

My bike wos stolen

when I were just ten

I remember now

'ow much it 'urt then

But maybe that bike

after it were took

provided a ride

for that there-a crook

and maybe 'e

then sold it on

and used that money

to buy a 'imself a song

a song that touched

'is heart so sad

and 'e learnt that 'e'd

rather not be so bad

and that me bike

the one which 'e sold

would 'elp some fella

speed through the cold

to buy some drugs

or some uther unkindly things

to escape the 'urt

that 'is emotions would bring

an after a run-in

with the old bill down the lane

thrown into prison

feelin' some shame

an' on 'is way 'ome

while ridin' me bike

the sun may come out

and that fella 'e might

just think to 'imself

eh up sonny jim

this bike weren't kosher

since it were nicked by terrible Tim,

so maybe I

should take it t' lost an found

then after that,

I might turn me life

around.

Anticipated Memories

These manufactured moments,

 anticipated memories,

microwaveable now-stalgia.

staged self solemnity.

This moment too has a frame,

you pick the reminiscent hue

you choose how to brand this day

like marketing the life you've made.

Its dealing with, its grieving with

the today that's almost gone,

a life story, with a vintage lilt

your story-board to talk upon.

Faintly dangerous

Did you know...

there's a chance,

a chance that something might happen here, 

something fateful, 

something faintly dangerous...

FOMO

I may not decide what I miss out on

But I can decide what I'm present for.

I'll not fear missing out on someone else's life

I'd rather fear missing out on the satisfaction of living mine.

New Perspectives

I'll not blink

I'll not close my eyes

Cos what I'm seeing right now

should last many life-times.

This menagerie of humanity

this plethora of plurality

this buffet for my eyes to see

it's developing, expanding me.

Do your thing

Do your thing

because if you don't

you'll end up

doing someone elses.

Treadmill

Today I just stay on this treadmill,
Tomorrow I study this test,
The day after that I'll have learnt a new skill
The future will take care of the rest.

A dreamer without discipline is just that,
Commitment will carry me there,
For I was designed to leave this world better,
If I just stay on this treadmill,
one more mile,
one more mile,
one more mile, I swear.

Respect

Tim was a boy

who learnt that

having respect for others

was also a form of self respect,

and he lived happily after that,

the end.

Warm

For Grandma Atkins ~

She's trying to be warm.
This fire's embers once roared,
She's trying to be warm.
Around, fiery leaves of fall,
She's trying to be warm.
Crow's feet and wrinkled cheeks,
Sunsoaked mantlepiece postcards,
Cozy Christmas albums of smiles and baked goods,
Guys! We're all wearing jumpers that she made!
We're all wearing genes that she gave,
We're all wearing the love that she displayed,
We're warm because she's warm!
She needn't try
any more.

Excitement

May words like;
'tax efficiency' and 'premium member'

Never be more exciting to you than;
'Bouncy castle' or 'snowball fight'

The Investor

Why don't I turn my 'yes today' dos
Into yesterday's done
Instead to borrow tomorrow
And tomorrow's unique shot of fun.

Somebody's sitting in the shade today
Because of the seed planted last year
And without enough shade to go around
Why isn't more planting going on here?

It's a duty to plant 

if in possession of a surplus in seed,
The greater today's planting,
The smaller tomorrow's need.

Rush

He makes you feel valuable

yet simultaneously

uncertain about your place

 in his heart.

Bootstrap Blues

I said,
No man ev'r got his woman back
beggin' on his knees
he's got to make somethin' o' himself
before his woman he'll please.

Lord knows he knows how much she's worth
but can he pay the price?
He can wish and try his lot,
only a gentleman will suffice.

Now see, she weren't born yesterday
she smells the insincere
pull on up your bootstraps son
because the price is dear.

now don't you go a moanin'
because when your moanin's through
I tell you you'd have gained two lives
one for her and one new life for you.

Manhattan may happen

Manhattan may happen 

to be a playground, or at least

that's what I see.

Latin madams tapping passionate Inwood rhythms 

with dancing feet,

fashion captains wrapping satin

and sumptuous Chelsea sheets.

Capital snapping croupiers at large along
Wall-street, meet - while

vintaged hipsters wax round

Lower East Side eats.

Touring travellers, 'n' bargain grapplers

haggle for Fifth Ave treats, as

Harlem heavyweights spit heavenly hymns and
 hip, hop, beats

Broadway bards belt ballads
at west-end seats

Meat-packing clubbers, pub-ers

drink IPAs: rinsing and repeat.

while I saunter slowly,

a legal alien on these streets.

Manhattan may-happen

to have
what I need.

Surrounded

She consistently exceeds

my ability 

to experience her.

( )

What am I more,
than possessed dust
A parenthesis in
inanimated-ness.

I'm here to witness?
here to see?
to hold an ego
to call it 'me'.

what if we break these (bars)
when we connect
as at that point
we're infinite

so maybe that's
what we're here to see
this infinite mess
of broken parentheses.

4th of July

On this day,

the 3rd anniversary of my working life,

the 24th anniversary of my birth,

the 238th anniversary of this great nation,

this Brit starts a new dream!

Grudge

I don't hold grudges.

or rather,

Grudges don't hold me.

Be ruthless

Desire doesn't just speak of the void.

Desire is the void

Eliminate desire

for all that doesn't matter.

Grown Up

Why would you act 'grown up'

grown ups don't have any growing

left to do.

Whatever people tell you,

growing, your way, 

is your right and your duty

to yourself.

The places where I am loved

There are these places

where I am loved;

they rise,

like thermal currents

on which I glide.

I may never

come down.

I am the one who knocks

Don't think of me a sheep

it's only sheep's clothing

Don't think of me too sensitive

'reflective' does not mean soft

I'm ready for this jelly, because

I am the one who knocks.

Sped up

The faster we knew each other

The faster we knew what we wanted.

 I wish we didn't know,
just for a bit longer.

Ghosts

I'm not jealous

of your ghosts.

If you leave to

chase nostalgia,

if you stay to

forget memories.

Come to me, 

your heart tangled,

our best days

are always ahead.

Dancing Atop Tower Bridge

Tonight,

as I write,

atop this monument is my dance floor.

a monumental farewell, to a London life,

so far spent,

dancing.

Peter means rock

I was strong

before we met,

and I'll be strong

long if you've left,

and if you stay

that's what I'll be

I'll be strong for you

and (what's more then that)

I'll.
 be.
 strong.
 for.
 me.

Demand more

You don't work this hard

to get to the middle,

You don't meditate on this

to become bourgeois,

You don't become consumed

to be another consumer.

This takes your nerve, your sinew and your heart

and therefore;

mediocrity

is not

on the cards.

"The last three or four reps

is what makes the muscle grow.

This area of pain divides the champion

from someone else who is not a champion.

That's what most people lack,

having the guts to go on and just say

they'll go through the pain

no matter what happens"

~Arnold Schwarzenegger

Night of Infinity

Blood pumping

music thumping

drinks coming

friends hugging

feet dancing

some romancing

lights fading

day breaking

"and I swear

in that moment

we

were

infinite."

Fret not

Try not to fret

that cats fight dogs

that flies curse frogs

that men lose bets

or lose cooler heads, that

some wounds don't mend,

that perfect moments end.

Under pass

There is a young homeless couple that sleeps

Below a busy junction, in an under pass, 

They're just cooing and stirring

As I walk past.

It could be their twisted honeymoon

Defying all else that seems to over-loom,

I happen to walk by as he strokes her face

Last night's inebriation now in its clanging phase, 

As most walk by not even changing pace

This world, this surreality is such a bitter-sweet place.

We're in this together

To get where I am today,
I once risked everything I had.

Love me 

at your risk

and mine.

Bryan David Atkins

This is the last photo I took 

of the greatest man I knew.

Bryan David Atkins

Hands like great towels

he'd tousle my brow,

his legs were warm trees

for hugging, for climbing.

A man of few words,
an excellent gardener,
my guide to wonderment,

a true grand father.

Brick

I am trying to build

something

great.

But its greatness

is not in

mind.

Every new day, I lay a brick.

I will lay that brick

as perfectly as a brick can be laid,

I will die before I quit.

Action builds more

than mere ambition.

New Ground

Mastery requires consistent deliberate 

practice in new ground.

So it is new ground I'll find.

Transient city

My London Bridges are falling down

falling down, falling down

my fair lady.

Back to the plan

I helped someone

change their life

for the better today.

It doesn't happen

everyday.

It should.

Rough

Don't be rough with

other people's hearts.

Don't waste a single second longer

with people who are rough with yours.

Wonderment

Had I not been

just a child

I may have missed

the wonderment

right here.

You could be failing

Did you know?

you could be failing

and trying again

and still be changing

the world for good.

Multitudes

I was once

nothing

to the world
 and to you.

I've been living,

 and lamenting,
and loving life

all these years.

The world has broken me,

and put me back together.

I have travelled it,

with many places more to go.

I have met great people,

some of whom you'll never meet.
I have strange stories
some of which you'll never hear. But,

now I'm here

and I am multitudes -

sitting next to you.

Lazy Cat

 

Lazy cat

was sooo lazy

or maybe

he knew he only
had to be a cat;

(the best cat he could be)

and nothing else.

And that involved

being lazy.

Anticipate

I'm excited

to see where all

of this

is

going.

Month of promise

April was the cruellest month, promising

Junes when it was so full of Novembers.